My warm breath fogs the window before me as I gaze upon the soft flakes floating to the ground.  Heaven’s slow pace tortures me with every passing moment.  I sit on my perch locked in poverty’s prison as I dream dreams of once-tasted glory.  The illusions of majestic trees crowning a snow-laden cirque haunt my mind and draw me near the edge.  My mind escapes this dull reality and takes me to utopia’s peak.

I talk to the mountain to seek his wisdom, for only he will know my perfect path.  Only he can lift me into orbit, spinning and curling, cloaked in freedom.  The mountain ages before me as tracks, like wrinkles, fill his face. The mountain grows old and my heart begins to sorrow as I contemplate great loss.  Then, in night’s cold black concealment, the mountain, like the phoenix, is reborn.  A glorious fresh new coat adorns his wide spread arms.  He again brings joy to the children of the snow. 

My reverie is shattered by the bitter call of an alarm.  The weight of my reality crashes down around me and suffocates my dream.  The hour of my responsibility is upon me and heaven’s soft pure gift drifts away.  My resources are exhausted in the pursuit of family and education.  I have chosen the path of nobility and my duty is defined.  Yet, my heart looks back and yearns for freedom’s plunge into winter bliss.  For, what is truly noble about enlightenment that strips a man of individuality and passion?  It is love and passion once felt that brings us to our knees. It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.

The deafening sound of fresh carved tracks rings through my head.  I am a man.

I was talking to someone smarter than me the other day about foreign policy.  I know, politics, right?  Well, I only bring this up because the important comment I took away from that conversation was that we [as a nation] really need to realize that we are not better than everyone else in this world.  We are great.  But, we need to see the greatness in other cultures as well.  

After thinking about this soooo much.  I went looking for some insight into popular culture of other countries.  Watch this.  Tap your toe if you like, but remember, this is a band from Finland, performing with the Red Army Choir in England.  (not the USA)

Did anybody else think that Mahmud Ahmadinejad is a nut job?  In a recent visit to Columbia in New York, President Ahmedinejad suggested that there are no homos in Iran.  He said they don’t have this problem like America does.  He didn’t realize we had this tape:

I felt that it was probably necessary to inform the world of some crucial values that are quickly escaping our society. We spend one third of our life sleeping, one fifth of our life working, one eight of our life eating and almost that same amount in the bathroom. However, if you are anything like me, that bathroom part could be as much as half of your life. That is why this is so important:

I love my Grandpa. My Grandpa recently passed away and I can see how traumatic it can be for someone, especially if they are younger. Sometimes the loss of a loved one can leave our souls empty and in need of emotional fulfillment.

Sometimes we are even led to radically emotional attachments and illusions of relationships. I don’t know the whole story, but I think that might be what happened to Dan…..

Each of us grew up with that nice old man or woman who volunteered down at the corner and helped little children cross the street. Ah yes….the Crossing Guard. I have a friend, whom in this story we will simply refer to as “Dan R.”, that actually believed the crossing guard was his Grandpa.

Now, I am sure that Dan R. probably suggested to his parents at some point during the first grade that the nice old man at the corner was his Grandpa. His parents did him a great disservice when they didn’t just curb that thought early. It probably seemed a harmless little joke. In Dan R.’s case, he still believed that the crossing guard was his Grandpa even up until his high school graduation. Once you have a crossed a certain line in harmless playful ideas, it goes too far and feelings get hurt. The poor crossing guard in Dan R.’s neighborhood felt an obligation to make brief, awkward appearances at family events such as birthdays and weddings, just to keep from breaking a young boys heart.

This should be a lesson to all young parents. If your child pretends he is spiderman as a 5 year old, make sure he understands it is only “pretend”. Otherwise, you may find yourself liable for your own child falling from a tall building later in life.

There traditionally have been two types of people in this world….1) Those who are in favor of guns, and 2) Those who are against guns.

I wish to introduce a third type of person who I am sure is very much in the minority.

3) People who are against “people who are against guns” owning their own guns because they probably have no experience and should leave gun ownership to those who are intelligent enough to feel the need to protect themselves and their family against harmful predators who also have no respect for guns because they weren’t properly taught about weapons by their anti-gun mothers.

I probably just lost the readership of half of my friends.  And my wife.

I am not interested in a discussion about gun control, because I don’t feel the same as you.  I am not ready to discuss it until it ceases to be a political issue and returns to its rightful place as a safety issue.  I wanted to clarify that because I thought you (the reader) should know how it made it to my blog.

The real reason I am on this subject is because I wanted to show you my “Anti-Dan” arsenal.

If it looks like a paintball arsenal, it is.  You will see equipment for the whole family.  Were Dan to show up to my house un-announced, I would be ready and willing to put him down quickly.  Sorry it got heavy there at the beginning.  Stay with me.

Have you ever met a person that is like a walking cartoon? I know several.

One of the great walking cartoons of our time is Dan. He’s like the Yogi Bear of 2008! Dan has often mentioned his aspirations of growing a mustache. Now as a Commercial Airline Pilot, naturally there is tremendous pressure for Dan to sport the blossomed lip. Pilot jobs are one of the 3 great “stache” jobs. There are Pilots, Police Officers, and Janitors. Interestingly enough, all three jobs pay the exact same compensation the first year on the job….

Here is Dan.

Here is Dan’s Grandpa….You can obviously tell where he gets his inspiration.

Here is a the work of another who truly sees the value of the ’stache

After careful deliberation, it has been decided by the board that this blog should feature an entire category dedicated to Dan. You know who you are!

Never has there been a man of such … ….sorry, I can’t talk right now, I’ll call you back.

Some time ago, Dan convinced me that the mustache is back. “All great men wear the mustache!” said Dan. So I made a difficult fashion decision that has proven to add greatness to what was once mediocrity. Unfortunately, the greatness quickly peeled quickly like lead paint on a poorly prepared surface and I was left standing alone with a just this mustache.

Here is the single defining mustache video of this century (so far..)

Thanks again Dan!