A wise man pointed out to me the other day the discrepancy in McDonald’s menu. As I have thought about this over the last few days, I have had an almost life changing experience. I am eating healthier. Inspired by my brother’s lovely post on the effects of a McDonald’s-Centered-Life, I thought I would share this bit of field research with y’all.

All of the sudden in the past few months, the fast food trinity has introduced the new double up burgers for the $1 menu. Wendy’s has the sloppy stacker, BK has the double cheese attack, and McD’s has the greasy double napkin burger. I went to McDonald’s one night for the sole purpose to purchase the Double Cheese Burger and the Regular Cheese Burger. I could barely see a difference in size. I saw a huge difference in quantity of grease.

What is the point of these two sandwiches if not to KILL us?  The regular cheese burger is $.99 and the double is $1.  There is no need for this.

I think many of us saw that sweet film – Super Size Me… The idea was that McD’s knows full well that the crap they serve isn’t healthy and they are killing Americans by “makin it bacon”. I for one, vote that we all go on a strict diet of Pancakes and Bikinis, but that’s just me. McD’s needs to die before we do. Who’s with me? No comments? I guess no one.

Double double cheese cheese quarter pounder please! AND MAKE IT BACON!!

PS.  I thought I should mention that if any of you haven’t seen the Fry Test Video, which it seems so many people missed it, you should click the link and watch it!

Link

When somebody makes a statement like that, you have to be either sadistic are just mildly sadistic (which is just prone to guilty pleasure) to keep on reading.  Which one are you?

Due to a division of labor in this country that finds itself evacuating the tiers of manual craftsmanship and elevating into the upper echelons non-work management, I can’t seem to source basic necessities that are major contributors to my happiness.  Everywhere I turn we are surrounded by outsourcing, downsizing, upsizing, consolidation….  (blah blah blah)  There is a general trend of high consumption rates in this country contrasted by an unwillingness to lift a finger in meaningful craftsmanship.  We want high quality at the lowest price and we are eroding the very fabric of our moral duty in the pursuit of imported and outsourced goods.  The pattern of self-destructive behavior in our free marketplace is weighing so heavy upon my shoulders that NOW I’M LOOSING MY SOUL! Or …um…SOLE! 

There must be some physical value to the weight upon my shoulders, which is the only explanation I can come up with as to why my favorite shoes are wearing out.  I have lost weight, so these shoes should last forever, but they won’t.  They aren’t.  They are dying.  I am losing my sole, and in this over managed, over taxed, over regulated society we call America, I can’t find a decent shoe repair shop.  There is no room for the little guy anymore.  There just isn’t a rising generation of “smiths” to take care of our needs.  We are a throw-away society and DANGIT, I don’t want to throw my stuff away.  All I need is a new soul sole.   Maybe we need a new sole? 

Maybe I’m not even the problem, did you think of that?  Maybe it’s YOU!  Did you ever turn into a complete and total idiot in the name of consumption?  That’s probably too hard of a question.  Let me put it this way: Have you ever left the house before 7 am on Black Friday?  Were you headed to fight the crowd for an amazing deal on something that could have been bought any other day for only 10% more?  Have you ever found yourself angry at the person working the return desk because they wouldn’t take back something you used?  Or felt guilt cause they did?  Have you ever walked around a store annoyed at everyone around you because they are there too?  Have you ever clipped coupons?  Do you drive an extra 10 mins or more to the Wal Mart cause it’s a better deal?

Shame on you!  I hope you never find yourself in need of a new soul sole.

I like you.  I like me.  Just by you being here on this site, I know we are “in touch”.  I think it’s a pretty good thing that we know each other.  If I don’t know you yet, well, you know me.

I am a big fan of social networking for so many reasons.  I particularly use facebook.com.  There is nothing better than being able to browse through the memoirs and photos of people you knew in high school but have never picked up the phone to call in the past ten years.  It is so very non-confrontational and voyeur.  You also get the unique opportunity to find out who in your social network has a crappy job that allows them to spend all day online playing stupid trivial games.  The social importance of such a site is virtually immeasurable.

Amidst all this wholesome fun, emerge the constant unregulated soft porn ads in the side margin that, quite frankly, have been pissing me off.  I’m not some kind of conservative prude or anything, but I want my soft porn in the right places.  Familiar places like the Sunday morning paper’s bra ads have long since served our nation as the poor man’s playboy.  There is a certain level of mental preparation that goes into reading that paper, watching late night television, or passing in front of the Victoria’s Secret in the mall.  As human’s, we know what we are getting before the situation is upon us, and therefore, we are mentally prepared.

When these little snip bits of soft porn are infiltrating my time in voyeurville, I get annoyed.  I doubt anyone ever finds himself or herself thinking about how cute the kids are as the late night sex talk ads come on the TV.  When the ads do air, we usually are expecting them and able to brush them off or quickly locate the phone, but when the same type of smut hits my facebook page, I’m just not ready.  I need to be warned that I am going to be bombarded by filth in the beginning of my session or maybe even facebook could set a moral standard?  I don’t know facebook.  Think about it!

You read the caption on this one and you wonder what this guy does for a living?  I’m pretty sure he is a pimp and those are his hookers.

I was pulled over while driving the other day.  I was in Logan, UT.  I was guilty of blocking an intersection when traffic came to a sudden stop.  The officer had been fishing for people to take his bait.  I think the City of Logan might invest in a stop sign or two if that is a known issue.  But really that has little to do with the story.  The exciting part of the story, was that I had leaned over to my brother Nick to tell him there might be a problem when the officer runs my license.  I had a little unfinished matter with the city attorney in Orem that may have escalated.  I think Nick was worried.  At the age of 21, he was unfamiliar with the bail system (not sure why?).

The officer returned to my vehicle and presented the good and bad news.  Good news was he had decided to give me a warning for what I assume was blocking an intersection (if that is an actual violation), but I’ll never know, as he didn’t fill in the information.  The bad news was he had found a warrant that required him to arrest me.  I’m a nice person.  I didn’t feel I should be arrested.  What was surprising to me, was that the warrant had nothing to do with the issues I had with the city attorney.  It was for a violation in Wendover back in 2004.

The officer said he would let me go after he had spoken to my father on the phone to verify my story that I was on my way to a funeral.  He asked me to call him when i returned to Logan, so he could run me down to the county jail and I could pay $302.  It was a tempting offer, but my heart just isn’t in it.  Does anyone really ever return to Logan?  You should ask yourself in a low soft voice…Does anyone ever really return to Logan?  It sounds kinda cool and Zen.

My theory is that the Officer, Officer Olsen (29), didn’t really want to take me in.  I’m not sure why, but it didn’t feel right.  Maybe he was lazy? Maybe he was busy?  Maybe he was off work in 20 mins and this would take him 45 mins.  At any rate, I was perfectly willing to go.  He had a gun.  He never asked when the funeral was or if I needed to be there by a certain time.  So to make the argument that he was being nice and letting me go attend a family affair, isn’t right.  Truth is I had time, money and was in a good mood.  But, thanks to the 5th amendment,  I wasn’t giving that info up.

Now some of you reading this right now are thinking I should face the music.  Well, that wasn’t the point of this post.  I will be contacting Judge Melville in Wendover UT on Monday morning to resolve the matter.  i will pay my share of the road tax!

The point of this post is that I wanted to voice my opinion.  Most police officers doing traffic work are fundraising.  A junior assistant district attorney only gets promoted after he/she is recognized as a money maker.  A stock broker only gets the big office after he has met the quota of assets brought into the firm.  And, a police officer has his allocations, quotas, or minimums, that have nothing to do with the safety and security of the citizens.

Traffic moving at 5 mph in downtown Logan is a hazard to no one!

I suspect the truth is that the $302 that the cop would recover in carrying out his duty, and the 45 mins of his time waisted, would only go to lining the pockets of the needy town of Wendover and would do nothing to fulfill his own quota.  It’s all about the money.

I fight the LAW and sometimes the LAW almost wins!

I was talking to someone smarter than me the other day about foreign policy.  I know, politics, right?  Well, I only bring this up because the important comment I took away from that conversation was that we [as a nation] really need to realize that we are not better than everyone else in this world.  We are great.  But, we need to see the greatness in other cultures as well.  

After thinking about this soooo much.  I went looking for some insight into popular culture of other countries.  Watch this.  Tap your toe if you like, but remember, this is a band from Finland, performing with the Red Army Choir in England.  (not the USA)

During the final month of the 2008 Presidential Election, the injustice, impracticality and inefficiency of the current political process became abundantly evident to me.  The original design of the political system was authored in a much different era than the one in which we now live.  Today, if we were to properly set forth a system to select the next Global leader of a country that so greatly affects culture, economy, and justice worldwide, wouldn’t we do it in a much different fashion?  Exactly. We agree. 

In order to present the world in 2012 with our pilot program; Presidential United Selection System (P.U.S.S.) we conducted a covert rudimentary version of PUSS this year.  The candidates were as follows: B-Rock Alabama, W, and Sara P.  The actual identities of the candidates have been hidden because the damn secret service didn’t want us to cause any waves.

In the swimsuit competition, B-Rock and Sarah P tied for first place.  Many of the judges felt that B-Rock’s only saving grace in the fitness in a swimsuit category was based upon his willingness to show his dark nipples.  When we attempted to interview Sarah P. after the event, her agent said she had no comment.

 The only other competition in our PUSS was a triathlon.  In a combination of running, swimming and biking, the true country’s next leader would shine through showing his commitment to social justice, political integrity and strong leadership.  (If that makes sense to you, then maybe we shouldn’t make a change in election systems?) 

Unfortunately, we have no photos of two of the three contestants, as they didn’t finish.  B-Rock was arrested on allegations of a stolen bicycle in the final leg, and Sarah P. was last seen capsized in the water.  Apparently, Sarah P. had no idea that her recent augmentation would affect her ability to float/swim face down.

This great show of the PUSS competition has yielded the result that W will be the next great president for four more years.  It will be nice to finally have a system that works.

This crap will kill you! Some of you may remember my previous rantings about the McDonalds cheeseburger and the double nasty double cheeseburger. Well, I’m lovin it!

A good film called “Supersize Me” came out a while back that followed the life of a person who ate nothing but McD’s for all three meals of the day. Even though many of you have seen this movie, I find that very few people ever saw this experiment conducted at the end of the film. It is important for you to know what you are choking down next time you have the McCravings!

I think all of us have had that boss, friend or even family member that uses the chicken-shit approach.  Instead of a face to face confrontation or even a phone call, they call the home or office voicemail because they know you won’t answer.  All these newfangled technologies that are designed to help us communicate in our busy lives are giving the spineless an outlet for rebuttals.  If I have something weighted to say and I am interested in a one-way conversation, I simply put it in an email or leave it on your voicemail and I can avoid the pain of having to man up.

So is it better or worse?  If we turned back the clock 20 years and measure the communication by standards of depth, frequency and overall value, were we communicating more effectively then or now?

The point is, two way communication was forced more often before the tech revolution.  So, think to yourself, do I maintain a relationship with anyone through these new means of communications?  With the addition of each new technology that I have embraced, I have added or strengthened my relationship with more people.  I have friends that only call.  I have friends that only text.  I have friends that only email.  When I was busy with work, I even had relationships with people sole through voicemail.  

Someone needs to invented the handheld video chat device so we can connect the era of pre-tech communications with todays technological possibilities.  I decided today, that I will begin using this bluetooth handset in honor of low tech and I will wait for my someday-palm-video-chat-device.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/cellphone/8928/

So many of the faithful readers of this blog have complained about a recent lack of new and exciting content.  I have heard these complaints.  I have now returned to the golden chair and have opened the flood gates of new and inspiring content.  I am back.  TP.com will once again be a happy place where the friends of “P” can obtain their daily does of stupid rhetoric and snappy comebacks.  Look once again to this watchtower upon the hill of daily email forwards, that I may filter through trash to bring into the limelight only the choicest of crude humor, titillating imagery, and stories of middle class triumphs.

Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.  Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

Obama-Pallin in ‘08

Peace!

Did anybody else think that Mahmud Ahmadinejad is a nut job?  In a recent visit to Columbia in New York, President Ahmedinejad suggested that there are no homos in Iran.  He said they don’t have this problem like America does.  He didn’t realize we had this tape: